Series: Renewal
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 ESV
When I was younger I did not find great consolation in the words Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4.
I was young.
I not only wanted life to be easy, I thought since I was a believer it SHOULD be easy.
Once again…I was wrong!
In 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 Paul wrote, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”
When I was young I thought since I loved God and served God in ministry I should not be afflicted. I couldn’t imagine how someone giving their life to God could possible be crushed. Mind you…the Apostle Paul wrote that and he WAS persecuted! I didn’t think about that when I was young.
I reasoned that since I said “yes” to what God wanted God would stand ready to answer all my questions.
I couldn’t imagine what I could do to deserve to be driven to despair. Notice the unsaid in the previous statement. If I didn’t deserve to be in despair, I unknowingly thought those who were in despair deserved it.
When I was young and I surrendered to God’s call I erroneously thought there wasn’t any way I could do anything bad enough to deserve persecution.
I knew I would never feel forsaken.
I believed I would not be struck down.
I took great solace in knowing that no part of my life would be destroyed.
WOW.
That gives being young again a whole new connotation!
My first great eye-opening event came when I was 34 years old. My dad was 60 years old and he was diagnosed with Cancer of the bladder. I believed God would heal him. I mean, he was a Sunday School teacher and he studied his lesson really hard every week. He taught the only adult class at church and it was a large class. He was also an Elder.
Beyond all of that…I needed him. He was my “go to” guy when I had a problem.
As the months wore on it became apparent the treatment wasn’t working. The cancer spread. I still believed he would beat it. Then the cancer spread to his liver.
The treatment ended and Hospice was called in. I still continued to pray that he would be healed.
I needed him.
My kids needed him.
He was a great grandpa to my kids. He taught them things. He got down on the floor and taught them how to build things (he was after all an Engineer).
He died when he was 60 years old.
I was afflicted and terribly confused. I felt like I was crushed.
I was most certainly perplexed and I felt like I was in despair.
I questioned everything. Was this some kind of persecution? Had God forsaken me?
While I was not completely struck down, I was most certainly crippled and I felt like part of my life had been destroyed. I cried almost all the time. I would even wake up crying and I was so tired I was certain I had been crying in my sleep.
Physically I wasn’t destroyed but emotionally I was lost and confused. Didn’t God know I needed my dad? Didn’t God understand I couldn’t get my questions answered without my dad? Didn’t God SEE me?
I continued to wrestle with my questions and I grieved. Every day I grieved.
Then, at some point after about a year I discovered I didn’t cry all the time. I even laughed a little.
Since my dad wasn’t here to answer my endless questions about God, I started taking my questions about God to God.
I mean…I didn’t know what else to do!
I would read a Bible passage and since I didn’t have my dad I asked the Spirit of God to be my teacher and guide.
That meant I started spending a lot of time praying. I would collect all my questions and I would pray. Since God spoke to me through dreams and visions, I asked God to show me what I needed. I didn’t know how God could communicate with me in any other way.
Gradually, ever so gradually I realized somehow my questions were being answered. Sometimes it came from someone in Sunday School. At other times, people would talk about random things and miraculously my question would be answered.
The point, of course is that gradually…ever so gradually I started to grow up.
I started to take responsibility for myself.
I even started to rely more on God than I relied on others.
I still hurt and I still missed my da, but I had days where I would not cry and I realized I just might be okay.
That was my first WALL experience. I hit a wall when my da died, and it changed my relationship with God. It’s almost as if I was no longer a child of a child of God…I was a child of God carrying the body of the death of Jesus so the life of Jesus would be demonstrated in me.
It took time, but God was ever faithful and loving. Even though I was certain I could not survive without my da, God taught me how to do life by relying on Jesus.
I grew up.
While I was crushed, I was NOT forsaken.
Spiritual Practice: Your Growth
Consider how God helps you.
In God, Deborah