Series: Love
Galatians 5:13-14 ESV
Many many years ago I went through a time when I lost everything I had known for decades. I thought my life was on track and then suddenly there was a catastrophic derailment.
When it happened I could hardly breathe.
I blamed myself. I knew I made mistakes, but how could I have lost everything so quickly?
Years and years later I realize there are still elements that I knew (and know) nothing about.
In time I came to realize I could not focus on what I knew and didn’t know.
I was seeing a Spiritual Director because someone told me about him. Through scripture, help from my Spiritual Director, and the hope that God had a good plan for my life I was gradually able to breathe.
It took time for me to realize no matter what happened God was with me and did have a good plan for me.
Because I had lost my church (where my ex-husband had been their pastor) a friend of mine at work invited me to go to church with her. They had a weekly healing prayer service and a great group of dear saints regularly prayed for me.
Ever so gradually I realized God was setting me free of my grief.
I came to realize no matter what had happened and what that changed, God wanted to set me free of my fear. See, the thing I was most afraid of was that I messed up.
I had to let go of my fear because it was paralyzing me.
Through prayer and help from many people who came to walk along beside me, I was set free.
Galatians 5:13-14 says, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
I was able to serve again and that was the best thing that happened. My focus was no longer on my grief and everything I didn’t understand about what happened. My focus was on God and what God had for me and for others I worked with in my new life.
Once I embraced my life as it was I was able to more forward.
It took a little time but day by day and month by month my new life emerged.
Then one day while I was praying God whispered to me, “go to seminary.”
I knew from my past that Seminary was a very long program. I was unlike any other master’s degree. (My Master of Divinity was 144 hours.)
Because I knew how difficult it was I ignored what I heard.
So…God escalated it.
I ignored it.
Then, friends started telling me God was calling me to go to seminary.
And I ignored it.
Thankfully my Spiritual Director picked up on it. Even though I hadn’t shared it with him one day he asked me “what are you running from?”
I knew I was busted.
But instead of saying “yes” I wanted to know exactly what God’s plan entailed. In other words I was stalling.
Now I envision God shaking His head and laughing in heaven.
Well…even though I was busted it still took time for me to be able to say “yes” to God. I was not told the details of the entire plan. No telegram came explaining how I would adjust my schedule to make it possible. Instant money did not show up in my bank account so I would know how to pay for it.
In time I did say “yes” and when I did God opened doors showing me the way.
It turned out over the course of time, God took care of every detail and Seminary was one of the greatest journeys of my life!
I LOVED it!
I had to let go of my preconceived notions about what my life should look like, but when I trusted God I was set free.
Jesus set me free to BE the person God created me to be.
And so today, I write and I dream.
AND I draw silly pictures (which turned out to be a HUGE blessing from God). There are times when I wake up from a good night’s sleep and I see silly pictures in my head.
And I laugh because I know God is the God even of silly pictures!
Spiritual Practice: Freedom
Ask God to set you free from anything that might be holding you back.
In God, Deborah
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