Series: Flowers in the Desert
Psalm 27:1-3 ESV
Job 42:10-12a ESV
I first memorized this scripture over fifty years ago and I have a confession to make.
I sincerely thought I was living this scripture everyday in my life. I had no idea that while I thought I relied on God for light and I thought the Lord was the stronghold of my life, I had no idea what it really meant.
Psalm 27:1-3 tells us,
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh,my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear;though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.”
Occasionally through the years as I grew older, I would think of that scripture or I would come across it and I would remember the words I had memorized when I was Twenty something.
As I grew older I thought I was surely growing stronger in the faith.
I thought I was a mature believer.
In some ways I thought I had arrived by the time we had been in ministry for 30 years.
Then, all “h*ll” broke loose…literally.
One day in my early fifties, Satan came after me with a vengeance.
I lost everything I held dear to my heart. In an instant everything I’d known was gone.
So…here’s what I learned in the days, the months, and the years after I hit bottom about the Lord being my light and salvation.
I learned whom shall I fear.
I learned that while everything around me crumbled and I felt like I was permanently living in the bottom of a very deep well, God was sitting with me in the bottom of the well.
Looking back, I wish I could tell you that after a brief period of time the trial subsided and God restored my life to some kind of facsimile that was even better than it was before. After all that’s what happened to Job.
In Job 42:10-12a we are told,
“And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money and a ring of gold. And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning.”
Doesn’t that sound just like a wonderful ending?
…that’s kind of what I expected.
As the days, months, and years went on in the real world, God did rebuild my life, but it didn’t look anything like my previous life that was just bigger and brighter.
God rebuilt my life in a way I totally did not expect or want.
A few years after everything fell apart God started urging me to go to Seminary. I have to tell you I was totally and completely opposed to the idea of attending Seminary. I used every argument I could think of to dissuade God from sending me down that path. I knew what it would mean. I knew it would be extremely expensive because Seminary isn’t anything like graduate school. A Masters degree in Communication (today) from the University of Missouri, Columbia (where I received my Bachelor of Arts in Communication) is 30 hours. Many people can complete a Masters Degree in a year or a year and a half.
To obtain a Master of Divinity Degree the requirement (when I attended) was 144 hours. Commonly it is a five to seven year program.
I worked full-time and was a single person with no other financial support. The M. Div. took me seven years to complete.
There were many obstacles along the way, mostly because my employer and my bosses were not supportive of my choice of graduate school. I was told that they viewed my choice of Seminary as a choice that was not in line with my job. Because of that, I found I was no longer considered to be a good fit for promotion.
While I was allowed to keep my job I was never promoted again. Before the decision to attend Seminary, I had been promoted like I was a rising star. As it turned out, I was able to find a job in the company that enabled me to reach the age of retirement, however, once I reached that age, it became clear I needed to move on.
Now I had student debt payments on social security income. The two do not leave enough for rent, but God knew that. I know God knew that because I reminded God every time I prayed that my student debt payments were a looming problem.
While it sounds like no solutions were found, God did show up.
In the short-term I was provided housing with a friend. Then when that road came to an end, another door for housing opened up.
My student loan payments are based on income. So, while issues with that remain, day by day God shows up and reminds me of God’s daily provision.
While I expected the fairy tale ending we read about in Job’s life, that isn’t what transpired.
What did and is happening is that every day in every way God shows up. God did not and does not give me advance warning, or tell me how it will all work out, but day in and day out I am learning how to trust God with all of the uncertainties of life.
One day at a time, God shows up.
After several years of watching God show up, depending on and trusting in God has become the new normal. While there has been no fairytale ending, I have and am learning that I can trust God with all my tomorrows. Every day I am thankful for the provision.
Today's desert plant is the endangered hedgehog cactus. Pray we will not lose it….
Spiritual Practice: Trust
Tell God you are thankful for provision.
In God, Deborah
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